naps – Matriarchs and Maids

7 Ways to Support a New Mother

Welcoming a new baby into the world is an exciting and thrilling moment for many. The Grandparents are ready to get their hands on their newest grandchild, friends are dying to hear every moment of your birth story, and almost everyone you know is asking to stop by the hospital or your home to pay you a visit. They promise it will be short, sometimes they come with gifts, but honestly you sometimes wish that you could just lock your door and hide away with your new addition for a while. Becoming a new mother is one of the best moments of your life, but it can also come with a flood of emotions, lots of tears, and little sleep.

When I became a mother for the first time I felt all of those exciting emotions. After 10 long months of growing this baby, it was finally time to meet him and hold him close to my heart. However, I also felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the amount of people inside of my hospital room, overwhelmed by the amounts of advice I was given, and tired…so very, very tired.

Everyone wants to be helpful to a new mother right after she has given birth and has joined the new motherhood club. Here are a few ways that you can show support to your friend, daughter, or co-worker after she has welcomed her new bundle of joy.

1. Congratulate her! I absolutely loved receiving all of the Facebook messages/text messages from friends. I was unable to check my phone for a while, but once I got the hang of breastfeeding and both my husband and baby were sleeping quietly beside me – I loved scrolling through my phone and reading the messages of congratulations. I was so proud of my baby and I was honored that so many other people were just as happy and excited as I was. But I was very glad that I received those congratulations over text rather than had several people lined up at my door while I was recovering.

2. Prepare her home for her return. My mother and mother-in-law cleaned my house while I was in the hospital. They put clean sheets on the bed and filled the house with flowers. I was so relieved to come home to a clean house and laundry put away. I felt like I could rest and just enjoy spending time with my baby while I recovered.

3. Seasoned Mother’s – don’t be afraid to drop of a few items on the doorstep that you know that a new mother will need, but she doesn’t know yet that she will need. Numbing sprays, sitz baths, doughnut pillows, nipple creams. When I was a new mother I had no idea that I needed to stock up on these items before giving birth. Who knew that numbing spray would be such a gift from God after giving birth?

4. Keep your visits short and sweet. A new mother is often still trying to figure out a schedule for herself and new baby. Breastfeeding can be stressful in the beginning – I never stick around when it is time for baby to eat. I want my friend to feel as relaxed as possible during that time. I also want to give her the freedom and time to connect with her baby. A new mother is sleep deprived and it can be hard entertaining guests for very long. See her, love on her and that precious baby, and then let her take a nap!

5. It is hard for some mothers to ask for exactly what they need or want. Don’t be afraid to offer your services. Excuse her from the room to take a nap, hold the baby while she takes a shower, run a few errands for new mom. Let her know that it takes a village and during this time of recovery and healing – you are at her service!

6. Be her shoulder to cry on. Baby blues are real and very hard for a new mother to share with the people around her. She has waited so long for this baby and may feel guilty for crying tears of sadness and overwhelmed that she doesn’t fully understand. Make her feel comfortable, share your own experiences with baby blues. Validate her and let her know that she is not alone.

7. Be the gate keeper of your own tongue. During this time a new mother is often given a lot of tips, advice, and stories. Ask yourself if what you are sharing is positive and relevant advice to the situation. Maybe don’t tell her that she is never going to sleep again or that your baby was a perfect sleeper and never cried. Just encourage new momma and remind her that she is doing great.

It is important to acknowledge that everyone is different and what will work for one person will not always work for the next. I loved having friends bring me and meal and stop by to eat with me and hold my baby. I enjoyed the close friends who came to the hospital to visit me – but what I needed during that time may not be what another momma will need. Don’t be afraid to ask! Love on that new momma and just be available to her.

Today, somewhat is enough

Today the house work somewhat got done and, for today, that was good enough.

After making a fun Saturday morning breakfast of waffles and fruit, the dishes are rinsed but still in the sink. Today, instead of prioritizing the breakfast dishes, we played outside as a family. The kitchen is clean after a long day, somewhat, but that’s good enough.

It’s the beginning of the weekend and work is on pause, but the life of a parent continues.The yard work is first on the To-Do list with two in tow. The leaves are raked but the grass is being put on hold for the rest of the day. Instead, I will be joining my two toddlers as they play with the water hose. Today, the yard work is finished, somewhat, but that’s good enough.

Tonight, we were supposed to do the grocery shopping and take the car to be cleaned. Somehow, too many things ended up on the To-Do list. Instead of cramming in just one more thing I am accepting that what needed to get done got done, and the rest can wait. Because my sanity means more to me than a gourmet meal, chicken fingers are on the menu for tonight, but that’s good enough.

The laundry is folded but remains on top of the dresser waiting to be put away. The laundry got done today, somewhat, but that’s good enough.

The previously clean bathroom is now… not. Covered in today’s activities—the wet clothes from our water games piled in the floor, the muddy foot prints made by tiny toes—a room that was done is now undone. But my kids tiny sun-kissed faces are covered all smiles. Today they made a memory and that is worth the extended To-Do list. The bathroom may now be undone, but it’s good enough.

Our household floors are covered in what tracked in from the outside along with today’s lunch. It could use a good mopping but instead it will just be swept. Instead, mommy and daddy are going to prioritize each other and get in a little quality time under the covers with a movie and a glass of wine. Today, the floors are clean, somewhat, but that is just fine. Today, it’ll be good enough.

It is almost the end to my husbands weekend and he is ready to spend a evening kicking his feet up and getting some much needed rest but he understands my inability to relax when things go undone. So, instead of resting he puts my needs above his own. My husband is rested, somewhat, but to him that’s good enough.

It is Monday morning and we are feeling the rush of the new week. My husband is up at 5:30 getting ready for work and giving babies their bottles, putting them back to bed so I can get a few hours extra sleep. When the children and I get up and start breakfast I notice a note on the side of the counter with the word Bride written on the front. Before my husband rushed out for work he took a few moments to say good morning and that he loves me in a letter. It wasn’t a date night, but to me it was enough.

As parents sometimes we do just enough but, sometimes, that’s enough!

Moms Don’t Get a Break

Moms don’t get a break.

It’s nap time and my baby should be sleeping. I walk into her room to calm her and give her the pacis that she has thrown across the room and, of course. She’s pooped.

Moms don’t get a break.

It is a beautiful day and we’re playing at the park. I breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the scenery, welcoming the sunshine. But my son has fallen off something and scraped his knee, so I’m off to kiss boo boos.

Moms don’t get a break.

My one year old is cutting four teeth at the same time. We’re out of gripe water, essential oils, and teething toys… not that they worked anyway.

Moms don’t get a break.

After a long day the babies are fed, bathed, and safely tucked into bed. I enter the living room with my glass of wine and I see toys—all of them—still scattered throughout the house. I have options though: leave them where they lie (but my OCD will simply not allow that… next!), get daddy to do it, or pick them up myself. I sigh as I set down the glass of wine.

Moms don’t get a break.

It’s 8am and the babies are ready to start the day. I roll over to a 100 degree headache and body aches. The cold that I tried so hard to avoid with my Lysol wipes and constant thieves essential oils has finally caught up to me.

Moms don’t get a break.

It is day five for this unwashed hair. I try for a quick shower, military style, but after only a moment of peace I see tiny toes interrupting my solitude. I forgot to lock the door.

Moms don’t get a break.

Why does the majority of every meal end up under the table?

Moms don’t get a break.

I am bleeding and just found out we are having a miscarriage-our third one in three months. I still have two toddlers who need me to be mentally and physically present.

Moms don’t get a break.

It’s date night in. The roast is perfect, the movie has started—I hear a stir and a scream. The oldest has had a nightmare and insists on joining in on mommy-daddy time.

Parents don’t get a break.

I didn’t know this was what I was signing up for. No matter how many parenting books you read, google searches you make, or people you seek advice from, nothing can ever fully prepare you for the journey, responsibility, and commitment of being a parent. It’s very much a day to day learning process. I am tired, I am dirty, I am never untouched.

Yet, this is the most out-of-body, exhilarating, amazing life to live. I choose this daily. I commit to this responsibility daily. This is parenting. It is a daily choice to evolve, improve, and sacrifice of one’s own desires for what is best for my off spring.

I could choose to give up, I could choose to let this rip away the woman I once was. Instead I grow as a person, my heart has grown ten-fold. I would not be who I am without my babies.

I do not get a break, but that is my choice. A choice that I am happily committed to making for the rest of my life.

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