parentingteam – Matriarchs and Maids

7 Ways to Support a New Mother

Welcoming a new baby into the world is an exciting and thrilling moment for many. The Grandparents are ready to get their hands on their newest grandchild, friends are dying to hear every moment of your birth story, and almost everyone you know is asking to stop by the hospital or your home to pay you a visit. They promise it will be short, sometimes they come with gifts, but honestly you sometimes wish that you could just lock your door and hide away with your new addition for a while. Becoming a new mother is one of the best moments of your life, but it can also come with a flood of emotions, lots of tears, and little sleep.

When I became a mother for the first time I felt all of those exciting emotions. After 10 long months of growing this baby, it was finally time to meet him and hold him close to my heart. However, I also felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the amount of people inside of my hospital room, overwhelmed by the amounts of advice I was given, and tired…so very, very tired.

Everyone wants to be helpful to a new mother right after she has given birth and has joined the new motherhood club. Here are a few ways that you can show support to your friend, daughter, or co-worker after she has welcomed her new bundle of joy.

1. Congratulate her! I absolutely loved receiving all of the Facebook messages/text messages from friends. I was unable to check my phone for a while, but once I got the hang of breastfeeding and both my husband and baby were sleeping quietly beside me – I loved scrolling through my phone and reading the messages of congratulations. I was so proud of my baby and I was honored that so many other people were just as happy and excited as I was. But I was very glad that I received those congratulations over text rather than had several people lined up at my door while I was recovering.

2. Prepare her home for her return. My mother and mother-in-law cleaned my house while I was in the hospital. They put clean sheets on the bed and filled the house with flowers. I was so relieved to come home to a clean house and laundry put away. I felt like I could rest and just enjoy spending time with my baby while I recovered.

3. Seasoned Mother’s – don’t be afraid to drop of a few items on the doorstep that you know that a new mother will need, but she doesn’t know yet that she will need. Numbing sprays, sitz baths, doughnut pillows, nipple creams. When I was a new mother I had no idea that I needed to stock up on these items before giving birth. Who knew that numbing spray would be such a gift from God after giving birth?

4. Keep your visits short and sweet. A new mother is often still trying to figure out a schedule for herself and new baby. Breastfeeding can be stressful in the beginning – I never stick around when it is time for baby to eat. I want my friend to feel as relaxed as possible during that time. I also want to give her the freedom and time to connect with her baby. A new mother is sleep deprived and it can be hard entertaining guests for very long. See her, love on her and that precious baby, and then let her take a nap!

5. It is hard for some mothers to ask for exactly what they need or want. Don’t be afraid to offer your services. Excuse her from the room to take a nap, hold the baby while she takes a shower, run a few errands for new mom. Let her know that it takes a village and during this time of recovery and healing – you are at her service!

6. Be her shoulder to cry on. Baby blues are real and very hard for a new mother to share with the people around her. She has waited so long for this baby and may feel guilty for crying tears of sadness and overwhelmed that she doesn’t fully understand. Make her feel comfortable, share your own experiences with baby blues. Validate her and let her know that she is not alone.

7. Be the gate keeper of your own tongue. During this time a new mother is often given a lot of tips, advice, and stories. Ask yourself if what you are sharing is positive and relevant advice to the situation. Maybe don’t tell her that she is never going to sleep again or that your baby was a perfect sleeper and never cried. Just encourage new momma and remind her that she is doing great.

It is important to acknowledge that everyone is different and what will work for one person will not always work for the next. I loved having friends bring me and meal and stop by to eat with me and hold my baby. I enjoyed the close friends who came to the hospital to visit me – but what I needed during that time may not be what another momma will need. Don’t be afraid to ask! Love on that new momma and just be available to her.

PCOS and Hemorrhagic Cysts

Yesterday morning as we were packing to head home from our vacation a felt I sudden pain in my lower stomach. It came on so quickly and the pain continued to get worse. After blacking out several times we decided to go to the ER
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I have a hemorrhagic cyst on my ovary and one cyst ruptured-which was the reason for the sudden pain. I have had several cysts burst but nothing that ever felt that painful. On Monday I will speak to my doctor about hopefully removing the cyst when I have my laparoscopic surgery in May to remove the endometriosis.
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To say I am feeling a little defeated is a understatement. PCOS and endometriosis is a hard disease to live with. It effects your fertility, you are often having to manage pain, and not much can be done about it. .
The past six months have triggered my anxiety. I feel like something bad is always right around the corner. But I am resting in the promise that God is bigger. I am being tested, I am being challenged, I am being stretched to thin-But not even this is bigger than God.
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Thankful for my family who love and support me, thankful for my team of amazing doctors, thankful for my friends and family who continue to walk with me.
This journey has continued to show me the miracles that my two babies really are. Nothing is impossible for the Lord, nothing is bigger than Him. In this life we will have troubles-but what amazing gifts he gives us along the way.

Moms Don’t Get a Break

Moms don’t get a break.

It’s nap time and my baby should be sleeping. I walk into her room to calm her and give her the pacis that she has thrown across the room and, of course. She’s pooped.

Moms don’t get a break.

It is a beautiful day and we’re playing at the park. I breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the scenery, welcoming the sunshine. But my son has fallen off something and scraped his knee, so I’m off to kiss boo boos.

Moms don’t get a break.

My one year old is cutting four teeth at the same time. We’re out of gripe water, essential oils, and teething toys… not that they worked anyway.

Moms don’t get a break.

After a long day the babies are fed, bathed, and safely tucked into bed. I enter the living room with my glass of wine and I see toys—all of them—still scattered throughout the house. I have options though: leave them where they lie (but my OCD will simply not allow that… next!), get daddy to do it, or pick them up myself. I sigh as I set down the glass of wine.

Moms don’t get a break.

It’s 8am and the babies are ready to start the day. I roll over to a 100 degree headache and body aches. The cold that I tried so hard to avoid with my Lysol wipes and constant thieves essential oils has finally caught up to me.

Moms don’t get a break.

It is day five for this unwashed hair. I try for a quick shower, military style, but after only a moment of peace I see tiny toes interrupting my solitude. I forgot to lock the door.

Moms don’t get a break.

Why does the majority of every meal end up under the table?

Moms don’t get a break.

I am bleeding and just found out we are having a miscarriage-our third one in three months. I still have two toddlers who need me to be mentally and physically present.

Moms don’t get a break.

It’s date night in. The roast is perfect, the movie has started—I hear a stir and a scream. The oldest has had a nightmare and insists on joining in on mommy-daddy time.

Parents don’t get a break.

I didn’t know this was what I was signing up for. No matter how many parenting books you read, google searches you make, or people you seek advice from, nothing can ever fully prepare you for the journey, responsibility, and commitment of being a parent. It’s very much a day to day learning process. I am tired, I am dirty, I am never untouched.

Yet, this is the most out-of-body, exhilarating, amazing life to live. I choose this daily. I commit to this responsibility daily. This is parenting. It is a daily choice to evolve, improve, and sacrifice of one’s own desires for what is best for my off spring.

I could choose to give up, I could choose to let this rip away the woman I once was. Instead I grow as a person, my heart has grown ten-fold. I would not be who I am without my babies.

I do not get a break, but that is my choice. A choice that I am happily committed to making for the rest of my life.

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Embrace the dirty fingernails

My new life as a mother required me to evolve with it. At first I tried to hang on to my old self. I always said I wouldn’t allow certain things with kids, but I was wrong. In order to truly enjoy them I had to let them enjoy life. Embrace the mess, the chaos, the unpredictability.
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I have to remind myself to let them be little and let them be dirty

Just Pick The Red Shopping Cart

I’m thankful for my non-judgmental mommy friends.

The sun is finally shining… goodbye frostbite, and hello itchy, puffy eyes! Spring is here!

Pack the diapers, fill the sippy cups, and everyone grab a toy… we’re venturing outside of this prison we call home. We’re going on a play date!

We’ve colored on all of the walls, torn apart every book, and used every possible inch of this house as a new time-out spot. Winter is hard for mommas. I’m just praying that my toddlers know how to act in civilization. I think I’ve managed to teach them proper manners, despite the chaos of our hibernation period, but can one ever be confident with a toddler?

We arrived at the park and, so far, things were going pretty well. My son was playing sweetly with his friend, my daughter was tolerating life, no one was crying. Okay, this is going well. I have the good kids today. Phew! I could have sworn that once my child started saying “you stop it mommy. Obey me” that embarrassing public temper tantrums would be in my future. After all-we’ve already had a few.

One time—yes, only one time—I decided to venture out of my household with two under two to the grocery store. I had a little chat with my children in the car (who were both too young to really understand or care about my bribes and begging to behave and not embarrass mommy) and firmly instilled in them who was in charge. I am mommy. You are little person. You obey me. I am their leader and they are my followers. Now let’s go to the store.

I walk in with my head held high. This momming thing wasn’t so bad. I got this. Maybe it’s even time to add another addition to this tribe.

That all ended the minute we started loading into the shopping cart. You know, barely a minute into our adventure. I idiotically chose the wrong color shopping cart car and my son was LOSING. HIS. MIND. He wanted the red one and not the black one. Tears were flowing and arms were flailing. I should have just switched to the red shopping cart but I didn’t. I was mommy. They obey me. I’m the leader after all. I stood my ground. We were riding in the black shopping cart. I walked shamelessly through the store with my screaming children. The network of mom shamers seemed to know I was coming and they were lined up with their judgmental eyes darting my way. Within five minutes I raised my white flag and ran out of the store with my screaming babies. Moms, choose your battles. Take the red shopping cart.

The husband got a text message with the grocery list later that day.

I digress. So here we are, again. I am out in public with my two children without backup. They start to get cranky so I call for lunch. I’m sure that will distract my son from losing his cool for at least another 45 minutes. My friend neatly takes out her picnic lunch and had a beautiful little spread for her daughter. Her meal is nutritious and she even remembered to bring a little place mat so her daughters food doesn’t get covered in dirt. I didn’t even know that was a thing.

I pull out our peanut butter sandwiches and gold fish and shamelessly(ish) set them on the dirty picnic table. My son starts throwing his sandwich on the ground in protest and my daughter begins to chew on the plastic wrapper. My son decides he wants his friend’s lunch so he puts his in the dirt, and now I’m having flash backs from the last time we ventured out without daddy.

In a desperate attempt to regain control I whisper in my son’s ear to behave. Listen and obey mommy. He loudly tried to take his place as leader and yelled “no mommy. You obey me!”

and ran off. Well… crap. My friend and her sweet, well behaved daughter begin quietly cleaning up their lunch while my children are finishing off their last few bites. You know, the ones my son threw in the dirt? Yea… those.

Later on at the swings I admitted to my friend that I was still learning how to parent my strong willed child and sometimes I just felt like I was failing. She quickly encouraged and reminded me that we are all figuring out this life as a parent. She never made me feel embarrassed, or looked at my son like he was the devil even though he was acting like one at the time.

I was finally able to relax and enjoy our time together. My son started feeding off my less-stressful demeanor and started playing sweetly with his oldest friend. They began swinging and sliding together and I was able to have good conversation with a human my own age. This scary task of adventuring out alone with two in tow became a little less scary.

Thank you to my mom friend who didn’t judge me or my toddler when we had a moment… or four. Thank you for offering sweet encouragement instead of the infamous “If you would do it this way they wouldn’t be acting like that” followed by the mom glare that we have all seen in a weak moment standing in the never ending grocery line.

These are the friends that I keep close in my circle. They make me a better mom and better person. They give me the strength to continue venturing out and trying new things. They give me the confidence I need to raise my children the best way I know how. I hope we can all become more like that mommy friend.

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